I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
3pm strippers are depressing
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
Randomize
