he wants to bone in the snuggie
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
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