i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Randomize
