Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Randomize
