i barfeds in our rink
My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
Randomize
