I'll bet she douches with gravy.
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
My dad is sitting where you rode me
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