I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
Randomize
