She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
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