My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
Randomize
