Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
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