I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
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