I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
third nipple confirmed
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
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