dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
I just want nice things and good sex
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize
