No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
Randomize
