The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
vagina is talking i cant
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
Randomize
