She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
The uberlube is also flammable
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
Randomize
