I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
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