I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
Randomize
