some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
Randomize
