she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
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