You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize
