**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
Come on in and take your pants off
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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