I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
Randomize
