How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
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