Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
Randomize
