if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
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