that place is a roofie-colada waiting to happen
i'm ok with that.. with the right DD it's just a cheaper drunk.. it's the economy, stupid
the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
Randomize
