If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
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