Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
Randomize
