I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
Randomize
