It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
Randomize
