I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
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