Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
Randomize
