So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
Two words: blizzard sex
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
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