paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
Randomize
