Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
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