"it" just moved
i already hear my dad disowning me
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
I'm experimenting with sincerity
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
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