I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Randomize
