How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
my shit smells like andre
I intend to get homeless drunk
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
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