"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Randomize