haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
Quick, to the slutcave!
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
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