yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize