i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
can a guy be partially circumsized? cause i dont exactly know what i was lookng at...
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
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