If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
Randomize
