woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize
