She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
