I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
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