Are we in a gay sports bar?
Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
Randomize
