The brown eye won't let me do that either.
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
My Sexting was not on an AP level
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
Randomize
