i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
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