i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
Randomize
