Will you blow on my dice?
my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize