Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
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