video games are the ultimate cock blocker
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
Randomize
