just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
Randomize
