i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
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