Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
Randomize
