Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
Randomize
