sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
Your cock deserves a montage
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
so much tequila, so little girl.
Can't talk, ducks in the car
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
Randomize
