so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
Randomize
