right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
Randomize
